Lucid Nonsense

This is your brain.

This is your brain on evangelicalism.

Any questions?

Wired did an article on xxxchurch.com, a Christian organisation which has apparently decided that, what with the state of the world and so on, the best thing they can do is start a crusade against wanking.

I’ve been trying to work out whether XXX Church is a spoof. I just can’t tell. I should like to announce my own adaption of Clarke’s Law, namely that “any sufficiently Christian website is indistinguishable from Landover Baptist Church. I think I’ll call it “Wright’s Law”, unless that’s already the name of a TV cop show where I fight crime using ballroom dancing moves. But I think I’d remember that.

I have memories from my time “on the inside” of just how weird the attitudes to sex were. Being gay is right out, but being straight and doing everything-but is OK as long as you don’t ask and don’t tell. The leaders come out with statements like “no heavy petting” (a phrase which seems slightly 70s for some reason) and back them up with Bible verses about pornea (usually translated “sexual immorality”, which seems to be begging the question). Meanwhile, if you’re married it’s your positive duty to go at it like rabbits, but if you’re a teenager with hormones raging, you’re stuffed. Many of them marry young after very short courtships, an understandable reaction but not one I’m convinced leads to happy marriages.

I’ve been clean of the meme for over 2 years now. If I can do it, so can you. Just say no, kids.

(S notes that all good Internet memes have kittens in them).

9 Comments on "Lucid Nonsense"


  1. Being gay is right out, but being straight and doing everything-but is OK as long as you don’t ask and don’t tell.

    Well known in our school as “the Catholic blow-job law”.

    The kitten advert is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Run kitten, run!

    Reply

    1. Thank God for the Catholic blow-job law!

      I’ve seen the kitten picture before but I didn’t realise it originated at xxxchurch. It’s just… bizarre.

      Reply

      1. I read the Wired article as saying that the “every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten” picture was a pre-existing spoof, and xxxchurch just co-opted it. Seems much more plausible.

        Reply

        1. It’s certainly been around a while – I’m not sure where it originated but b3ta.com might not be a bad guess…

          Reply

  2. One of my favourite statistics seems apposite to this debate:

    [One study found that] Men who ejaculated more than five times a week [in their twenties] were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm

    So does this mean if you don’t masturbate, God will reward you in old age by making it more likely you will be eaten alive by cancer? Nice.

    Reply

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