Real Live Preacher, as he calls himself, writes honestly and writes well. So, I sat and read the whole site, archives and all. I cannot help but think that, had someone like this been around when I was beginning to realise that I couldn’t stay in my church, things might have been different.
The Preacher’s life story had some echoes with me. That said, for me there was no great event in my life which was the final straw, no example of human suffering which finally showed that there could not be a good God running it all; instead there was just the drip, drip, drip of guilt and doubt, eventually wearing me down.
The Preacher came back to his faith by deciding that “faith is something you do, not something you think. In fact, the greater your doubt the more heroic your faith.” He decided to gamble his life, living in faithfulness to God, without really knowing or caring whether God existed:
I pushed all my chips across the table. The preacher bet it all. Why? Because the idea that there is a God who cares for us busts my heart wide open. Because I pushed reason as far as it can go but I wanted to go farther still. Because I wanted to, and… well… I just wanted to.
I can’t follow him where he’s gone, but I can’t help but admire him.