Asking women out at partner dancing: a Less Wrong thread

Over on Less Wrong, an interesting post on ordinary skills that readers happent to lack has developed into an interesting sub-thread about guys asking women out at dancing. I’ve contributed a bit. As I’m male, though, I may be completely wrong, so if any dancing women want to comment, I’m sure it’d be appreciated.

PS: Read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. It’s great!

3 Comments on "Asking women out at partner dancing: a Less Wrong thread"


  1. I am reading HP&tMoR on my new shiny e-reader, albeit sporadically, because it’s the kind of writing where more than about three chapters at once starts to get samey. But I’m enjoying it really more than I expected, even from the rave reviews it gets on t’internets. The scene with the sorting hat I found incredibly moving, I must say.

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    1. Just wait til you get to the Patronus stuff… Eliezer is pretty passionate about some things, and conveys that well through the story.

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  2. It was a very interesting subthread and after last night’s dancing session I find myself going back to re-read it.

    It is very easy to confuse the signals of a dancer, particularly if they would be a flirty person before the dancing. After all, dancing is just advanced flirting in many ways. The nature of the dance says a lot: flirting occurs more commonly in a rumba than a foxtrot for example. But universally, beyond a certain level of proficiency there will be an individuality to each person’s dancing which can convey a level of flirt, particularly in the latin dances.

    Here lies the problem. I think people tend to see what they look for. If >90% of person A’s interactions with person B are on the dance floor doing flirty dances, the overall impression in Person A’s mind will be that person B is flirting with them and in a particularly physical way. Thus, if person A is looking for a partner/relationship, this flirty person B seems ideal material as they’re reciprocating.

    It just needs people to realise that dancing chemistry is not the same off the floor. However this is never explicitly stated.

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